Invisible Fish

Over the years we have sold all kinds of freshwater fish, both tropical and coldwater fish. The customers have varied from the owner of a restaurant who wanted a large tropical fish display to amuse his diners, to the many parents buying just a solitary goldfish to put in a bowl for their children, but only once did we sell invisible fish.
Our freshwater fish, which we have in the spring and summer months only, used to be kept in large ponds outside the back of the shop beside our aviary. Our tropical and other coldwater fish on the other hand, were stocked and sold all year round, and are still kept in a large display of tanks.
We stock and sell a variety of tropical fish, and from time to time some of the tanks are empty as we await the delivery of a new batch of fish. Once a tropical fish tank has been set up with the correct equipment, it is a fairly easy task, and not too time consuming, to keep the environment stable for the fish. As such, they are ideal pets for busy people, or for those who are often away from home yet like to keep a pet. Until we sold the invisible fish though, we didn’t know about the other characteristic of people who are interested in fish.
Tropical fish are very beautiful creatures, coming in numerous shapes and sizes, and in a dazzling array of colours. Many people keep tropical fish because they look so colourful, and others because they find the peaceful motion of fish swimming seemingly at random around their tank to be restful and therapeutic. Some of the fish are transparent, and you have to look for their heads and fins before you can make out their see through bodies glistening in the water, which is probably what gave us the idea for the invisible fish.
Sadly, I can’t remember whose idea it was, but one day when we had one of our tanks empty, awaiting a delivery of tropical fish, one of the staff suggested that we put a sign up on the outside of the tank saying that we had invisible fish for sale. As you can imagine, we all had a good laugh about the idea. It seemed such an amusing thing to do though, that we decided to go ahead, believing that our customers would share in the joke. Little did we realise how the customers would react!
We duly set about making a sign, and a few minutes later a notice appeared just above the empty tank that read “Just in – INVISIBLE FISH – only £1 each”.
It was a busy day, and when someone came in to look at our fish we’d quite forgotten about the sign that we’d put up. After looking at our tropical fish tanks for some time, a young man came over to the counter to enquire about the invisible fish. He wanted to know whether or not they were easy to keep, what they needed to be fed, and whether or not they could be kept in the same tank as other fish. Imagine how difficult it was to keep a straight face when trying to answer his questions. Almost choking with suppressed laughter we carefully explained how they were quite easy to keep, and didn’t need much food at all. In fact, they hardly needed any because their bodies were invisible. However, they did need to be kept in a separate tank as they did not get on well with other fish, as the other fish became unsettled in their presence. Thanking us kindly, he said that he’d think about it and come back later if he decided to buy some.
No sooner had he left the shop than we collapsed in uncontrollable laughter, and with tears running down our cheeks we related to each other the questions that he had, in all seriousness, asked, and our replies. After some time we managed to control ourselves, and eagerly awaited the next customer who would come in and enquire about the invisible fish.
Sure enough, it wasn’t too long before someone came in, and after glancing at the fish tanks, came over and asked us if he could have a look at the invisible fish. Someone took him over to the tank to show him, whilst the rest of us had to hide in the back of the shop as we just couldn’t stop laughing about the idea that someone had asked to see the fish. The person showing him the fish had to beat a hasty retreat before she burst out laughing, and left the poor customer peering into the tank with great concentration. At long last, one of us managed to control ourselves enough to go out and face the customer, but he wasn’t very interested in the fish as he couldn’t see them. “Of course, that’s the interesting thing about these fish”, we explained, “You can’t see them.”
Amazingly, everyone who came into the shop and looked at the fish took the whole thing seriously, nobody realised that it was just a joke. And then, the inevitable happened, and one of our customers actually wanted to buy some of our invisible fish. We just had to play along to see what they’d do in terms of choosing their fish.
“How many fish would you like sir?” I asked, barley able to suppress my laughter.
“Just two please,” he said, in all seriousness.
“Which two would you like?” I asked, pointing at the empty tank, and taking a small net to catch the two that he chose.
“I can’t seem to see them very well,” he said, “Could you choose them for me?”
“Certainly,” I replied in all seriousness, and put the net into the water and pretended to try and catch a fish.
I brought the net out of the tank very carefully, making sure that the end of the net moved as I flicked my wrist, and carefully lowered the empty net into a waiting plastic bag filled with water from the tank. I moved the net around in the bag so as to ensure that the fish had moved out of the net, and then carefully put the net back into the tank to catch another fish.
“Would you like this one?” I asked as I moved the net around the tank.
“No,” he replied, to my total amazement, “I’ll have that one over there.”
At that moment I lost control and started to feign a coughing fit to disguise the hysterical laughter that I was collapsing into.
“Are you alright?” the customer asked me with great concern.
“Yes thank you,” I finally managed to reply as I wiped the tears from my eyes and started looking for the fish that he had chosen.
“Was it this one?” I asked him, chasing a non-existent fish around the tank with a net.
“Yes,” he said eagerly, pointing just in front of the net, “that was the one.”
I quickly whipped the net out of the tank and placed it in the plastic bag again depositing yet another 'invisible fish' with its 'invisible' mate before I had another fit of hysterics, and turned quickly away towards the till. As I got there I gave the bag to one of our staff and said “Tell him that as he’s the first person who’s bought these fish he can have them for free”, just before I descended into another prolonged bought of coughing.
Our customer looked incredibly pleased with his free gift, and walked proudly out of the shop bearing a plastic bag full of water. We hadn’t the heart to tell him that the fish didn’t exist, and wondered what his family would say when he tried to convince them of the beauty of his latest aquatic acquisition.
We couldn’t bear the idea of going through another sale as by this time all the staff were breaking out into open uncontrolled laughter every time the fish were mentioned. But before we could remove the sign from the tank, a middle-aged woman had looked into it and was asking about them.
“I’m sorry,” I spluttered between coughs and chokes, “We’ve just sold the last one. As you can see, they’ve all gone!”
“That’s a pity,” she responded. “Could you let me know when some more come in?”
“Yes,” I said, if we ever manage to get any more I’ll let you know. But they’re very rare”
With that, she left the shop, and we hurriedly removed the sign from the tank. But the man who took away the two invisible fish never came back, and for all we know he may still be proudly saying to everyone who visits his home, “Would you like to look at my invisible fish?”